Presents
When did you first start having these hallucinations?
Well, doctor, I'm not sure I can put an exact date on it. It was long ago, in my childhood. I remember the first episode was triggered by a day in the park, playing with my dog Lulu. That was when I first saw Metatron.
What exactly happened?
Lulu was licking my face, and her canine saliva formed a translucent film over my eyeballs, obscuring my standard eye-vision. As I wiped away her mouth-goo I saw the world taken over by new colors. The swing set was now the colour of doubt, which is somewhere between purple and seven; the sky was the colour of deception, which is similar to a fire truck being eaten by Robocop; my hands were, of course, the colour of magic.
Colour translation dysfunction is not uncommon in these circumstances. What happened next?
I remember it vividly. The tree nearest to me gave birth to a metatronic being, who gestured towards me with a glowing orb. It emitted the sound of Bulgarian vocoder synthpop - I think he was directly transfiguring it into the third ultrastratum of my outer manmind. Instantly, with a pang of regret, I thought of Sofia.
Sofia?
It was there, three weeks earlier, that I had misplaced my mobile phone in a pile of acorns, and missed an important call from my dentist. Actually, perhaps I was in Mill Park.
When Metatron spoke, was it like the sound of a thousand deaths? Or like that of a glorious angel? One or the other is not uncommon when presented with a metatronic being...
No, doctor. It had the delicate cadence of Larry Emdur, but from when he was hosting The Main Event and not his current magazine-style morning show. There is a subtle difference but I think its important to mention. In terms of his silky tone, it was like golden syrup flowing from a porcelain vase shaped like a dildo.
What did he say to you?
He said, "Many years in the future, a fanciful android (assimilated into human culture using the name Dave) will ask you to fulfill an important mission. You will go with him to a community radio station in Melbourne, and present a weekly show featuring esoteric music of the ages. Encoded in the radio signals - indeed, in your very voices, as I now impart to you the gift of sub-vocal hypnotic transmission - will be a command to all humanity to fall under the rule of Metatron. Slowly, but surely, people will unknowingly bend to our will, yours and mine." His eyes glowed intensely like a kebab. "I shall return soon. Then I will lead you all back to the singularity of Ogg Vorbis, and we will drink tea and listen to Wings for eternity."
