ROB JAN\'S BIG DAMN LIST OF 101 COOL THINGS ABOUT SERENITY (THE FILM)
11th Oct 05
ROB JAN'S BIG DAMN LIST OF 101 COOL THINGS ABOUT SERENITY
CONTAINS NOTHING BUT SPOILERS
AND A HEAP’A MISREMEMBERED QUOTES! (Y’ALL BEEN WARNED!)
Usually when I’m writing a review for my show I have to name the
actors and critical crew members, summarise the story, not give
too much away, not be entirely obscure or not be too obsessive
about minutia. The latter’s a real trainspotting, anorak
characteristic that I, of all folks, have to keep a weather eye
on, though admittedly a lot, lot less than mainstream media
would. Anyway, it’s a genuine pleasure to just sit down and as a
fannish exercise just burn indulgently through a list of all the
cool stuff about Serenity that I could call to mind after a
couple of sittings. See Joss, the audience was watching!
Actually, I reckon it would be educational to see how Serenity
stacks up in the ‘cool things’ stakes compared to most other
genre or mainstream flicks. I think it would rate more than
tolerably well, and then some!
ROB JAN
ZERO-G
3RRR FM
rrr.org.au
NEW MELBOURNE
In no particular order....
101 COOL THINGS ABOUT SERENITY
RIVER
-After the Reaver ground chase when the Mule’s been scooped into
Serenity’s cargo bay and has crashed to a stop, during the
silence and sudden lack of mayhem, River says brightly, “I
swallowed a bug!”
-River silhouetted against the opening blast doors with the
Reavers piled around her, holding a trophied Reaver spear and an
African throwing axe, looks for all the world like Buffy!
-The ‘innocent in hell’ look on her face as she watches the swing
burn on Haven.
-The way her face pops into view from a duct as Simon and Kaylee
get down to the biz...!
-Chuckled at the Significant Look that River gave to Zoe above
the Bank Vault when she warned Zoe about the victim who was going
to try something heoroic, pretty close kin to the equally
skew-whiff look River flashed Simon when he asked her if he was
talking to Miranda. (Ta to Alicat for the correction, things do
blur in the mind's eye!)
-On the ‘film within a film’ River carefully bent down and
sniffed Inara’s bed in the shuttle, after she heared that it’s
where Inara conducted her business. We know from the series that
River has a nose for sex, and isn’t shy about cheerfully
mentioing it aloud!
-Summer Glau’s awesome, other worldly body langauge....those
muscle straining ceiling clamps that she does....eat yer heart
out Jean Claude!
-The incredible backwards-over-the-shoulder-boot-to-the-head that
River delivers to one victim in the Great Bar Fight!
-The way every step that River takes reflects Summer’s ballet
training and of course, we’ve seen and heard that River herself
used to be a dancer....and remember the role she had in
Angel?
-It continues to be ironic that Firefly replaced Dark Angel on
U.S television, given that Firefly also partially revolves around
a girl who has been ‘enhanced’ into a human weapon by a
government agency. Also strange that Tru Calling was the
replacement for Firefly, given that the title character was a
woman who was magically enhanced...and that she was the actress
who played Faith The Slayer in Buffy and Angel!
-”Put a bullet to me. Squish!” A real ‘Aww no!” moment
)Recently seen Summer play another institutionalised girl in The
4400. So little time, so many whacky roles to fill!)
-River’s vampire like ability to appear right behind someone
without making a sound.
-The terrific young actress they got to play young River...really
nailed the part!
KAYLEE
-Jewel Staite knows how to steal a scene with ‘business’. When
Kaylee and Jayne are clearing up the junk in the cargo bay as
Jayne rattles on about the plumb loconess of the Reavers Kaylee
picks up a catalyser widget to throw in the trash airlock, thinks
better of tossing it, and starts to scavenge parts from
it....
-During the Last Stand, upon hearing that Simon regrets he never
had sex with her, Kaylee sets her jaw, cocks a gun and says,
“Hell with this! I’m gonna live!”
-Kaylee choking back the tears as she tells Simon and River as
they potentially leave Serenity forever, never to get in a ship
with a certain kind of engine ‘cos they fall right out of the
sky.....called to mind her shiny moment in the series when she
enraptured all the young bucks at a shindig by waxing lyrical
about souped up ship motors!
-Kaylee being the only one who doesn’t get why Inara’s wav call
was a trap ‘cos she didn’t notice that Mal and Inara didn’t
fight.....
-Kaylee's frustrated outburst about nether regions and batteries
and Mal's
shocked reaction contrasted with Jayne's leering one!
SIMON
-Simon’s busting River out of the hoosegow was a lot more
involved than he told Serenity’s crew in the series. He did a
whole lot more than just hire some mercenaries to help him get
her out! (Though, you’ll notice there was a ship involved,
standing by to pick them up as they ran.)
-The ‘stun’ blast grenade he used in the lab was designed to
knockout standing people only. Allowing him to do a bit of a Dr
Donald Blake pose (Alter ego of Thor, God Of Thunder) when he
knelt down and banged his swagger stick/staff of office, on the
floor, just as Blake's walking stick transforms into a certain
mighty mallet!
-Of all the Serenity crew only Simon could convincingly get away
with wearing a fancy Alliance uniform and have it look like he
was born to it....well, I suspect that Shepherd Book might also
look pretty righteous in one! (Someday, we may find out...)
-Sean Maher continuously, convincingly radiates brotherly
concern. It really sells the relationship.
-Simon gets to slug Mal yet again. But then, everybody does
that!
SHEPHERD BOOK
-As he’s dying he’s pretty chuffed that he managed to shoot down
the Alliance raider that killed him and his friends. “Not very
Christian?” Pshaw! Perfectly in line with “An eye for an eye”,
then again, what would I know, being mercifully free of the
ravages of religion. Also makes me wonder more than ever if Book
did some serious soldiering before he became a Shepherd. Hmm,
maybe he was at Serenity Valley on the Alliance side!
We still don’t know why Book was so tight with the Alliance and
its military and politcal procedures. (In the film, Book knows
all about the kind of slick operatives the Alliance is likely to
send Mal’s way, but not enough, apparently, to think to get
himself and his flock to better cover.)
-Goodness, he even manages to crack a joke at Mal’s expense as
he’s expiring. What a guy!
-I could’ve stood to see a lot more of Ron Glass in the film,
he’s a fine actor who caught my attention all those years ago on
Barney Miller. Still, all the bits he gets in the film, in the
words of Spencer Tracey, are “Cherce.”
THE MAN THEY CALL JAYNE
-In his Big Entrance Shot Joss piles on more slung, carried and
holstered guns and ammo than Jayne can possibly use or even
carry. Spoiled for choice!
-Enjoyed the running gag about the grenades that Mal told Jayne
not to carry, and how they’d sure be useful if only he had ‘em
now.
-The exchange when Jayne has been harpooned by the Reavers prior
to being hauled off and cannibalised. ”I won’t get et! If they
take me shoot me too!” he yells at Mal, then when Mal aims past
him he thinks he’s targetd him and not the harpoon cable and
yells, “Hell, don’t shoot me first!” Interesting how Mal only
manages to hit the cable when a Reaver shot wings him.
-During the Last Stand Zoe says “Do you really think any of us
are getting out of here alive?” and Jayne offers hopefully,
“Well, I might?”
-Jayne taking a slug of medicinal compound from his hip flask and
then pouring it over his leg wound after he’s escaped being et by
the Reavers. (How about just getting Simon to Doctor it?)
-Jayne wearing his Ma’s ‘cunning’ hat as he walks down the ramp
planetside.
-The way Jayne forearm drops an Alliance Security agent at the
Bank Vault and as the bloke rotates, grabs his legs and nails his
head into the floor. And, didja notice that Jayne is later
sporting an Alliance Security patch on his jacket? Did he always
have that, or did he liberate it at the Vault?
-The really mean (but typical Jayne) crack he makes to Mal about
nobody else in his platoon apart from Zoe making it out of
Serenity Valley alive.
-”Let’s be bad guys!” Hoo-yah!
-Jayne giving the Bank Vault guard the Full Metal Jacket
Automatic Fire authorisation Password....
-Jayne calling out Mal’s name during the middle of a hold-up,
always appreciated by Mal!
-Jayne's response to Zoe's query about how much ammo they have
left: "Three mags and my swinging cod."
-Laying down his own personal code about killin' to Kaylee he
explains how he'd kill a man in a fair fight or if he looked
like he was going to start a fair fight!
INARA
-Goram, Morena is still just as purdy as ever, and on the big
screen too, I have died and gone to Haven!
-When the Assassin tells Mal he cannot make him angry and Inara
chips in, “Please, spend an hour with him.”
-Inara’s deservedly triumphant line when her diversion in the
Shrine is about to explode, “..and that’s not incense!”
-Inara’s neat digital target bow! Archery is probably one of the
Companion skills (though fun and useful in itself!) that she has
mastered so she can fit in with her richer customers, like the
fencing she tried to teach Mal in the series.
-The fact that Inara clearly has some serious hand-to-hand combat
skills (again, handy in her trade!) but still can’t outfight the
Assassin...doesn’t signify, she outthinks the bugger
anyway!
WASH
-”This is gonna get pretty interesting" (Mal says, "Define,
'Interesting') "Oh God, Oh God, we’re all going to die!”
-”Wash calling out when everything’s gone quiet in the ship,
Hello?”
-”I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar” (Ta for Lord
Riffington for noticing my typo...'of' for 'on'')
-Wash and Xander. Soul brothers or what?
-”Can I make a suggestion that doesn’t involve violence, or is
this the wrong crowd for that?”
-Wash’s death scene...shocking, sad, sad moment, and not
telegraphed. Remember how powerful "The Body" episode of Buffy
was?
-"Can we start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a
90 pound girl? Because that's never getting old." (Can anyone
recall Jayne ever giving
Wash a whuppin over his smart mouth? No? reckon there's two
reasons. One- don't shoot the piano player/man who flies the
ship. Two- Zoe!
ZOE
-Her ‘taking Point’ on Miranda, scouting the vicinity and calling
out a very Western “Hoeeee!” to the rest of the crew.
-When Mal opens the small safe door, revealing the tiny cash
stash she
remarks, "At last, we can retire and give up this life of
crime."
-The way Zoe loses it over Wash being dead but almost instantly
sucks it in and soldiers on, though you can see she’s pretty much
determined to go out fighting at what seems to be the Last
Stand.
-The heart rending double meaning of her exchange with Mal,
“She’s pretty torn up but she’ll fly true.”
-All the little ways she and Wash interact that show they’re
husband and wife. (All the big ways too!)
-The way her hand drops to her gun when Mal and Simon tussle.
She’s always got Mal’s back....and heck, given her line of work
generally it's obviously a reflex that's proved useful more
than once. Tell you, if I was in a room squabbling and I saw
Zoe's hand anywhere near the region of her shooter I'd
certainly get calm real gorram fast! (Ta to Lord Riffington for
making me think more about this!)
-The way she explains to Mal that she understands how he had to
shoot a civilian to spare him from being savaged by the Reavers
but that they wouldn’t have done that during the War....
-Zoe's reply to Mal when he says that she's in command while
he's gone and if he's not back in a hour to come rescue him:"
What? And risk my new ship?"
MAL
-When it comes to being battered to a bloody pulp. Mal’s right up
there with the cinematic greats. Indiana Jones, John Maclain,
Deckard, Arnie in Predator....Elmer Fudd. He takes a lickin’ but
he keeps on tickin’! But when Jayne comments upon how easy the
Assassin beat him up Mal maintains pridefully that he wasn’t beat
up, no sirree Bob!
-Mal in drag, yet again! "Dear Buddha I would like a pony and a
plastic rocket ..." Snort! Did he have the garment leftover from
Inara's things aboard Serenity, or did he get it from wherever
he keeps all his other dresses?
-“You best shoot me now....(River cocks her pistol)...or, we
could talk more.”
-”It’s worse than you know.” sez the Assassin. “It usually is,”
Mal notes philosophically.
-"Yes, I have read a poem. Try not to faint."
-Mal's hardcore 'this is the way it is' speech to his crew
after the slaughter on Haven riles him.
-Mal: "Did you see us fight?" (Kaylee: "No") Mal: "Trap".
(And everyone's eating popcorn or jerky or whatnot and enjoying
evesdropping on Inara and Mal's wav!)
-”This is yer Captain....we might experience some turbulence
and...and...explode!”
-The way he just up and plugs the Assassin when he says he’s
unarmed!
-The look in Mal’s eyes when Inara allows as how she’s not sure
she wants to stay on board the ship to which he replies, “Good
answer!”
-When Jayne answers his flippant hypothetical “Do you want to be
Captain?” with a terse, “Yeah, I do” Mal stammers peevishly,
“W-well you can’t!
-Mal’s character arc where he gets his belief back and is willing
to die for it. Not belief in God, (Mal hasn’t put back on the
crucifix he kissed during the Battle Of Serenity Valley) but
belief in something, which is all that Shepherd Book ever wanted
from him, or for him.
-The way Mal locks down the Assassin by clamping him to the
railing with his own sword thrust through the rings attached to
his scabbard harness....very slick! (Ta to Lord Riffington for
the qualification.)
-Mal’s self reflective dialogue which, of course, is so often
totally at odds with what he actually does. “Wind blows Northerly
I go North!” Yeah, surrrrre!
-”I aim to misbehave” (liked that one so much I just had to ask
Joss if he would record an I.D cart for 3RRR FM with that in it,
which he did, what a sport!) and “I start fighting a war, I
guarantee you're gonna see something new”
-When the Assassin asks Mal if he's willing to die for his
beliefs, Mal says "Yes", quickdraws on him and plugs him (same
result as last time, let's hear it for Kevlar!) and as he turns
away continues with, "Course, that ain't Plan A".
(So why didn't Mal just go for a headshot? Er...maybe he did!
He'd had a bad week, after all....)
-"I'm a big fan of all seven (deadly sins)...but right now,
I'm gonna have to go with wrath."
THE ASSASSIN
-Does anyone else wonder if he’s an echo of the Bounty Hunter,
Jubal Early, from the “Objects In Space” episode? Joss picking up
some unfinished business?
-The fact that he doesn’t carry a gun but prefers a sword! (“I
walk a different path...” in the words of Cap’n Nemo...)
-A sword which he politely left at the Buddhist shrine’s door
when he payed a call on Inara.
He really was technically unarmed when Mal tried to cap him!
(Though smart enough to be wearing body armour.)
-The fact that he does actually follow his own code of honour.
For example, he takes the time to deliver some comforting words
to the skewered Project Director even as he’s killing
him...ruthless, but darned polite! Actually, his code of honour
is a bit of a tactical handicap. Musashi would perhaps approve
but Sun Tzu wouldn't!
-”If your quarry goes to ground leave no ground to go to.”
-The look on his face anytime Mal ruffled his professional calm.
Like when Mal tossed him Serenity’s beacon, which the Alliance
was targetting missiles on, or when he heard that Serenity had
dumped a whole mess of satellites to fox his pursuit ship’s
sensors. But especially when he saw the Reaver fleet bearing down
on him like all the demons from hell that they are!
THE REAVERS
-We find out more about the ‘Ubervamps’ of the Firefly verse than
we ever wanted to know and, yup, they’re still creepy!
-Joss underlines just how scary the Reavers are by making even
Serenity’s hardcases frightened of them. And then he turns the
tables again to show how awesome a fighter River is by having her
eat the mongrels for breakfast! Uh, y’all know I don’t mean that
literally, ‘cos...ewww!
MISCELLANEOUS CHARACTERS
-Mr Universe’s whole cyberbride thing is a wicked computer hacker
gag, capped off with the Jewish wedding ceremony and stepped on
wine glass! Mr Universe reminds me sooo much of the Three
Amigo-Geeks from Buffy.
-The fan dancer in the bar who hides behind her fans when River
cuts loose...luckily River don’t hit the fan!
-The twin ‘money launderers’, whom Mal derails by saying that one
is prettier than the other.
THE FILMMAKING
-Shoot, the fact that the BDM got made at all!
-The single, fluid shot where Joss weaves the camera through
Serenity, efficiently introducing all the characters a third time
(t’uther times were in the series pilot and in “The Train Job”
episode), expertly making it accessible to greenhorn viewers and
simultaneously nostalic and fresh for fans. What. A. Writer!
(Ditto Director!)
-The potentially confusing but cleverly time scrambled scenes
that skillfully lay out River’s background without making you
feel like you’re in the middle of a “The story so far...”
sermon.
-The evocative crash zooms, camera shudders, and overpans that
fill the action sequences with dynamically gritty “You are there”
realism.
-The desaturated colour and washed out lighting on Miranda. A
horripilating way of saying “This here’s a Ghost Planet.”
THE STORY
-Zombie Horror/Western/Romance/ Political
Conspiracy/Comedy/Science Fiction/Caper.... Serenity is many
excellent films all rolled into one superb movie. Not a musical
though! Well, Jayne does get to strum a few chords on his
guitar...I wonder if he was going to serenade ‘em with The Hero
Of Canton? Sure was the Haven folks’ turn to suffer!
-The ironic undertones of the parochial lecture that the
schoolmarm gives at the start of the film. “We’re not telling you
what to think, we just want to show you how.” Brrrr! The Aliiance
is like Star Trek’s generally benevolent Federation after it’s
taken one step too far down the proverbial road to hell paved
with good intentions. Or, it could just be another day like any
other in the dystopic Federation from Blake’s 7! In any case,
Joss’s other work is full of similar examples of do-gooders going
over the ege and becoming do-badders. Always a danger.
-The subliminal “Manchurian Candidate/Telefon” like signal used
by the Alliance to trigger River’s combat programming and flush
her out of hiding. Joss is a fine one to talk about subliminals
considering all those between-the-scene flashes that appear in
the later episodes of Angel! Incidentally, I had a ‘moment’ when
I walked into a supermarket the other day and sighted a big pink
jolly cartoon octopus on the wrapper of a packet of toilet
paper!
-Finding out that it’s not really what River is that’s made her
so wanted by the Alliance but what she telepathically overheard
when visited by the Parlimentarians.
-The spinechillling moment when the holographic recording of the
dead Research And Rescue technician reveals that the Alliance
accidentally made the Reavers as a spin-off of their PAX
pacficartion experiments. You bastards! Joss has often said that
audiences bring their own subtext to his work. In my case I was
wondering if he was alluding to governments that think the only
way to protect democracy is to make so many draconian laws that
they end upwhite anting it from the inside. You can surely come
up with a couple of dozen other interpretations....
-The “You Can’t Stop The Signal” theme, one in the eye for
governments and organisations that equate free speech with
rebellion against them. “If you’re not with us, you’re against
us, especially if you question any part of what what we’re
doing...” Also, heh, as more than a dozen folks on and offline
have pointed out, it could be aimed at Fox! (D'oh! There's me
and trees and then there's this big old forest. Forest, what
forest?)
-The epilogue scene on Serenity’s bridge where Mal explains to
River that it’s love that keeps the ship in the sky. Who but Joss
could make potentially hokey dialogue like that fly?
-The battle tactics are relatively complex and involve lots of
neat ‘cunning plans’, and are so much more involving than many a
much larger budget film has created in the past decade.
-Once again, love the Chinese dialogue and the pseudo space
Western lingo!
-The fact that the whole dang thing takes place in one single
giant solar system.
SETS & PROPS
-The rotating “Check yer guns at the door” lock box in the bar,
keyed by an electronic card, which of course Mal forgets where
he’s put it in his pockets when he has a powerful need to
retrieve his pistol....
-Wash’s dinosaur toys are still on the bridge!
-The detailed rebuild they did on the sets (they’re not the ones
from the series) and the extra layers of texture and detail
they’ve put in. Serenity looks really cluttered now!
-Jayne still has ‘Vera’, his favourite gun, but also has lots
bigger bang bangs!
-The lyrical looking Companions’ Guildhall....
-Mr Universe's emergency communications suite...pretty durn
impressive for a back-up! Oh well, anything that indulges Joss's
penchant for shooting down shafts or up 'em.....(As the paranoid
survivalist Burt Gummer said in the Tremors T.V series, "Back
up, back up generator!)
-The new flying Mule! (Wonder what happened to the old wheeled
one they had?)
-Cracked me up during the Reaver ground chase that the crew in
the Mule did a classic Star Trek 'everyone lean to the right,
then to the left, etc' as they jinked around to escape.
MUSIC
-The Ballad Of Serenity instrumental that plays at the very end
of the credits!
-Oh yeah, and the Serenity ship theme as well (ta to IdiotEQue
and all for jogging my memory.)
SOUND DESIGN
-The ‘arc welding’ sound that the Reaver energy beam makes when
it burns past Serenity
-The off screen screams of the Reavers poor victims.
-The chugg-chugging of the Reavers’ ‘smoking’ ships in an
atmo.
SHIPS
-The prominent C57D serial number on the Alliance Search &
Rescue shuttle on Miranda. C57D was the serial number of the
United Planets Cruiser in the seminal Science Fiction film,
Forbidden Planet. When I pointed this out to Joss he smiled and
said, “You know, they (the Art Department) don’t tell me
everything!”
-The awful abominating makeovers the Reavers infect their
captured ships with. Scared and troubled me as much as the
Reavers themselves. Once proud starships violated and brought
low, macabrely daubed in the warpaint of bloody handed
violation.
-The fact that Mal’s willing to trick Serenity up in the same
way, using the bodies of their slaughtered friends from
Haven...actually, I would have used the crew from the downed
Alliance ship, but sail on!
-Those fully rigged, big arsed Alliance Capital ships compared to
the plucky little flying duck Serenity, and the latter still
looks purdier!
-The Reaver fleet boiling out of the clouds like angry hornets
and tearing into the Aliiance blockade.
-The nasty way the Reavers have of lancing ships with harpoons
and killing them by spinning them apart or, worse, reeling them
in like spiders setting the dinner table.
-The spike clawed Reaver ship that sets its cap at nailing
Serenity’s hide.
-Serenity making a dead engined landing on her belly and loosing
her engine pods along the way.....ouch! (I wonder why the EMP the
Reavers killed the power with didn’t knock out the intercom Mal
called to the crew on. Maybe a different circuit? Back-up
battery? Acoustic power? Residual current?)
-Serenity arrowing up through the rainstorm and bursting out into
the sunshine and into the Black that may not be so empty and cold
as it oncewas....and dang, there goes a bit of the ship
again!
-The evil miasma, reactor leakage that appears to shroud the
Reaver ships.
-The exodus fleet that leaves Earth-That-Was...
-The (New) Battlestar Galactica that, suitably eviled up, is part
of the Reaver Fleet....returning the visit that Serenity made to
the N.B.G pilot episode (Serenity overflies the Minister of
Education's office on Caprica about ten or so minutes into the
pilot and is visible through the skylight windows.)
COSTUMES
-No more cast-off Starship Troopers armour for the Alliance
squaddies. Purpose design
gear this time.
-Yay, we get to see Serenity’s armoured spacesuits again!
-Zoe’s carbine rig...I just noticed she has her gun hooked on
rather than holstered. reminds me of a U.S cavalry carbine mount.
Suitable for a long arm, even one that looks to be sawn off, and
of course if she undid the keeper thong holding the business end
in place all she'd have to do would be pivot and shoot!
-The battlefield plunder rag-tag gear the Reavers wear is pretty
effectively grim, glad I haven't had a chance to get a closer
look! I often look to the villains when costuming but in this
case the characters have about as much attraction for me as the
Borg....
-Wash still has those tropical vacation shirts!
-Mal still wears his pants too dang tight.
WHAT, THAT''S NOT 101? YOU ACTUALLY COUNTED? GET AWAY FROM ME,
DANG IT! BUT SERIOUSLY, KUDOS TO ALL FOR THE CORRECTIONS AND
EXTRA SUGGESTIONS THAT HELPED KEEP ME RELATIVELY HONEST!